There is an unspoken taboo in our society: a taboo against trauma. We expect normalcy from ourselves and from each other, and when life does not cooperate, when accidents, separation, illness, old age and death intrude, we try to hide from them as much as we can.
If we do react, we hope it is short-lived and we try to keep it private. We value our routines and grow intolerant if grief intrudes.
Mourning, if it needs to exist at all, should show discretion, we think. We have lives to be lived, after all. Mourning is messy, unpredictable and unbecoming. We act as if we would be better off without it.
The problem is that this is totally unrealistic. Trauma happens to everyone. Who could be spared? By denying it, by soldiering on as if it is not happening, we further traumatize ourselves.